Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy!

I don't know if I have been really savvy or not but in any case what happened today has had an incredible affect on me. And its good! I think lol.

We had a lovely play in the school before saddling up (which didn't go as smoothly as before). Breeze stood on the pedestal with all four feet and then put her fronts on the wooden pedestal next to it!! I watched her face as she got up on the pedestal and could see she knew I was asking her to get her back feet up too. Usually she just leaps off if I ask her forward. Today she thought about it and decided it was worth doing as I asked lol. Clever girl!

I got on and B was incredibly calm and happy. We just stood around and waited for Sandra. For once I was ready before her and Bert! We didn't have as much trouble leaving the yard. B had a few thresholds but I let her rest and waited until she could move.

We let the horse eat whenever they wanted down the first bit of the mile and 1/4 until the turn where we had a trot. B did her jiggly trot so we played with transitions and let Bert and Sandra go ahead and give us space because whenever B got near Bert she bit his bum! We got a nice trot and then she offered the most beautiful canter I have ever felt, all too briefly because we were soon on top of Bert and Breeze pushed past him. Ooops!

We managed to ride side by side for a while with Sandra preserving her herd of two if B made to bite Bertie. After that she stopped having a go at him and Sandra and I were able to have a chat. Then we played weave along the road by the golf course, cafe in and out if the fence posts. I am really getting the hang of turning with all of my body and hardly need the reins. I am sure B loves this game too.

Breeze took the lead for most of the ride and it all went nicely until the top of the old woods. I asked B to turn down the straight but she refused. Sandra and Bert passed us and carried on while B and I played the 'out donkey the donkey' game. Eventually B decided she would carry on down the straight and I expected to see Sandra and Bert ahead at any moment.

Well, we never did catch them up. We turned right into the old woods and B began to jig. I asked her to walk and we did this for a while. I could feel she was getting unconfident and asked for trot because I thought getting nearer home quicker would help. Her trot got ragged which was a little uncomfortable and I realised I wasn't very balanced. Lately I have been using the reins for balance and hanging on to them when we go into trot. I am really trying not to do this! Funny how quickly we develop bad habits and then it takes a long time to retrain ourselves and so easy to fall back into old habits. She began shaking her head, which I have noticed she does when she is getting emotional, and then we were cantering! It wasn't the calm comfortable canter we had earlier, it was probably what is described as 'bombing off' and she was running in a panic. I felt very detached and calm when I realised all this was going on. Usually I go back to the awful fearful place I was in just before I fell off and ended up in hospital but today was different. Why I wonder. Is it because I have more savvy and I understand Breeze? I have come a long way since then and perhaps I have really learned to ride? I certainly felt determined not to fall off and was 'in the moment' knowing I had to help Breeze.

I asked her to slow down, nothing happened. I grabbed her mane and reached down for that rein and turned her with all my strength but still nothing happened. How interesting. In a split second I saw a tree up ahead and focussed on that, turning B's head more and we stopped with B's shoulder almost on the tree and her head over the fence. I sat there trying to feel how she felt. She was shaking! More than me it seems too. I stroked her neck and was amazed to find I wasn't worried or scared for myself but concerned for B. I thought about getting off but when I let the rein slacken she jigged off so we spent more time just resting with her in lateral flexion until she could be calm. I don't know why I didn't want to get off. Perhaps I thought we could sort this out from the saddle even though I know it can be done from the ground. I found if I stroked her and talked to her she got calm and I just waited until I felt she was ready to go home.

She was a little tense until the top of the old woods so I kept stroking her and talking to her and just thinking calm thoughts. When we got past the turn then we played a lot of weave, circle and fig 8 around the trees to get her mind working and give her lots to think about. I remember talking to her saying, now pay attention because we are going to do a lot of this and I don't want you making assumptions lol. Breeze blew out and relaxed until we got to the exit. There is a playground in the pub garden and the screaming kids seem to make B tense again. So we did some one rein stops again and I gave her time to stand and relax. Then we left the woods and went back home.

Back at the yard Sandra was putting her tack away and said she had tried to call me but got no reply. It was then that I realised I had lost my precious Blackberry! I had to put B away in her stable and Sandra and I trudged back to the old woods where luckily I found my phone. Oh happy day!

I hung out with B and brushed off the now dried sweat from her back with her not protesting so much for once lol. Phew! What a day! I guess I will spend my time thinking this over and guarding against any negative thoughts. It remains to be seen if I keep my cool for the next ride. I do feel very proud of myself and am hoping I have helped B overcome things too. But I know how very well practiced I am at belittling my achievements and how I let those nasty thoughts I get spoil it for me.